I moved back to India after 5 years in the US. I was startled and disoriented by reverse culture shock — here's how I moved forward.
· Business Insider
Courtesy of Vaishali Gauba
- Vaishali Gauba returned to India after five years in the US because she didn't get a visa.
- Differences between life in the US and India made her feel what's known as reverse culture shock.
- Gauba learned to stop blaming herself for not getting a visa and to value the positives of her home country.
I sat on the terrace of my Washington Heights apartment building, soaking in the view of the city skyline one last time.
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It was my last night in New York City before I moved back to India. I'd relocated to the US five years earlier, at age 17, to study journalism and business management. I went on to work at CBS News, which was a dream come true. Saying goodbye was incredibly hard, but I also knew more challenges lay ahead.
At that point, I hadn't heard the term "reverse culture shock" — a sense of disorientation you feel when returning to your country after a long stay abroad — but I now know this is what I experienced when I got back to India. Busy work mornings in New York were replaced by dull ones in India for the first few weeks while I waited to start my new job. As everyone in my home left for work, I was left questioning my purpose. Meanwhile, I was startled by the many cultural differences, from extreme honking on the roads to how people spoke to service staff.
Over time, three steps helped me make the most of my new life and readjust to my home country. I even learned to appreciate it in ways I didn't expect.
Do you have a story to share about experiencing reverse culture shock? Contact the editor, Charissa Cheong, at [email protected]
First, I had to stop blaming myself
My reverse culture shock was strong because I didn't return to India on my own terms.
After graduating in the US, I received a one-year work permit, but I was hoping to get employer sponsorship for an H1-B visa, which would help me stay and work in the country longer. Though I tried my best to secure one with CBS and other companies, nothing worked out, and I had to leave when my work authorization expired, arriving in India in August 2017.
I kept asking myself if I could have done something differently to get a work visa. The rejection kept stabbing at me and took at least six months to recover from. I had to remind myself that immigration processes aren't completely in my control, and I wasn't the only person with an experience like this.
Thankfully, I secured a job as a journalist at an international news channel in India even before I moved, through networking with a connection at CBS News. It reminded me that my skills were valuable and I had strong professional abilities, helping me to regain my confidence and stop blaming myself. It made the transition to life in India easier, since I had something to look forward to and was working in an industry I was familiar with.
I prioritized my space and independence
Living on a college campus as a student in America was my introduction to adulthood. I liked being in charge of day-to-day choices, including what my social life looked like, without needing my parents' permission.
Indian culture is much less individualistic. I was living with my parents again, which is the norm even for adults, and I was certain they'd expect me to share details about my whereabouts on a regular basis. I felt stifled by the loss of my independence and got into a few arguments with them, mostly over where I was or when I'd come home.
After three months of struggling with my living situation, I decided to move out of my parents' home in Gurugram to the nearby city of New Delhi, since it was closer to work. After having a serious conversation with my parents to help them understand my decision, they eventually came around and even helped me find new accommodation.
The move played a significant role in helping me feel like myself again in India. I could enjoy my independence, which was more aligned with the life I had in the US, and could also meet my parents every weekend. This actually brought us closer, because we treasured the limited time we had together each week.
I began to value the positives
In addition to making adjustments to my home life, I had to get used to the country's quirks, which I'd forgotten about.
In New York City, I could walk anywhere, but in cities like Gurugram and New Delhi, pollution and the lack of sidewalks made that extremely difficult, so I often found myself stuck in frustrating traffic jams. As a woman, I felt safe enough to stay out late in New York as long as I had my wits about me. Meanwhile, New Delhi and Gurugram felt less safe for women, and with my parents checking in on me, I had to be home by a certain time.
I complained about these issues to my family and friends, but I also knew that doing so constantly would make me feel stuck and helpless. Instead, I gradually shifted my perspective to practice gratitude and focus on the positives, such as being a short drive away from family, having access to home-made food, and reconnecting with high school friends. It helped me feel more in control of my life, enjoying what I had rather than feeling bitter about what I didn't.
I lived in India for five years in my early 20s before relocating to Canada in 2022 to study and join my partner. Despite the initial mental and emotional hardship, I can look back at those five years as a highlight of my life. It brought me closer to my family, cultivated an appreciation for my country, and strengthened my confidence in my professional identity.
More importantly, the experience of overcoming reverse culture shock taught me how to stay resilient during adversity and rejection — something I've been able to carry with me throughout life's brightest and darkest days, no matter where I live.
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