My partner and I have lived 45 minutes apart for years. Right now, the benefits actually outweigh the challenges.
· Business Insider
Lindsey Galloway
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- My partner lives in a spacious house in rural Colorado, and I live in a condo in Boulder.
- We haven't found a place that fits both of our needs yet, so we're content living 45 minutes apart.
- There are challenges, but we enjoy spending lots of time at each other's homes.
Every weekend, my partner makes the best breakfast: over-medium eggs, handmade tortillas, and fresh hash browns.
We often eat outside thanks to Colorado's bright, sunny days, then we'll walk around the lake, watch some football, and spend the evening roasting marshmallows over the fire pit.
Then, when Sunday night arrives, I get in my car and drive the 45 minutes back to my dream condo to get ready for the week ahead.
My partner and I met at work 13 years ago, and we intend to spend the rest of our lives together, but we still live apart. We know each other's rhythms, quirks, and needs, and have no secrets, just separate addresses.
I often joke that we're in a "middle-distance" relationship. At least we're in the same state, but it's also not always easy or convenient to drop by for dinner.
Living apart lets us each keep a home we love
Both of us are divorced, and we both love the houses we have.
My partner lives in rural northeastern Colorado and bought his home after his divorce. It's bigger than mine, with a huge yard and a custom-designed patio built for entertaining.
His neighborhood isn't exactly walkable, but he's originally from a small town in Texas, so he doesn't mind driving longer distances to get to places he wants to go.
Meanwhile, after my divorce, I moved back into the Boulder condo I had been renting out while married. My unit is smaller than my partner's, but I love its mountain views and proximity to all my favorite places, like my go-to local bakery.
It needed a lot of work when I moved back in, but I invested in new paint and flooring to really make it mine again.
I want to stay close to Boulder, and he wants a big house. The tight, expensive housing market has made it tough to find a new place we both love.
Though we've toured many houses together over the last six months, we haven't been impressed by any of them enough to leave the places we've already made our own.
Our setup isn't as tough as people think
We've built a routine that works well for us.Lindsey Galloway
One thing that has made this arrangement easier is that we're used to living out of our suitcases. I'm a professional travel writer, and he works for a company based on the East Coast. We also love to explore new places together whenever we can.
When we are both home in Colorado, we've found a routine that has worked pretty well for us. My partner often spends some weeknights here, where we're close to restaurants, friends, walkable downtown Boulder, and other things to do after work.
Then, I'll go up to his house for quiet, relaxed weekends, and to watch my favorite team on the 100-inch screen (go Raiders!). We also tend to entertain at his bigger house.
Both of us get bored easily, so having a change of scenery and routine keeps life feeling fresh. My 14-year-old pug has adapted, too, and travels with me between places.
To make things easier, I've bought duplicates of staples like deodorant and an electric toothbrush, so I'm not schlepping them (or forgetting them!) every weekend.
That said, there are challenging things about our setup. Packing up every few days can be a hassle, and it can be stressful to land at the airport and decide which house to go to, especially when I miss both my partner and the feeling of being "home."
We always make an effort to overcommunicate our plans and extend understanding whenever one of us just needs to get home to do a load of laundry.
We'll find our dream home eventually
We plan to move in together eventually.Lindsey Galloway
Every day, I'm scrolling listings that meet both our picky criteria and calling up agents for showings, but so far, we haven't loved anything as much as our current homes.
It sounds frustrating, but we both think this is a pretty good problem to have: It gives us more leverage in the homebuying process and means we don't have to settle for something that is only half-right or makes just one of us happy.
We're confident that we'll find a home that fits us both, but in the meantime, navigating the middle-distance has only made our relationship stronger.
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