The Common Habit That’s Killing Your Sex Life (And How to Stop Doing It)
· Vice
Unless you’re both on the same page about an open relationship or love wild experiences together, most couples don’t want a third party in their bedroom. But what they’re not realizing is that there already kind of is. It’s that dang phone.
Let’s back things up. Between 1996 and 2008, 59% of married adults had sex at least once a week, according to the Institute for Family Studies. That fell to 49% for the period 2010 to 2024. By 2025, nearly half of married couples reported going without sex for 12 months or longer, per Gitnux. Sexless marriages—defined as fewer than ten times per year—affect between 15 and 20% of US couples, with relationship stress cited as the leading driver at 40%. The factor increasingly backed by research, though, is the phone.
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A 2023 IFS study found that married adults reported lower sexual frequency when their spouse replaced couple time with staring at their phone or computer. The habit researchers have named is called “bedtime procrastination”—two or more hours of screen time in the last stretch before sleep. Two people in the same bed, each in a separate universe. The bedroom is still there, but the place it used to represent mostly isn’t.
Your Phone Might Be Quietly Killing Your Sex Life
The pattern is a named behavior in couples therapy. “Couples begin living parallel lives,” Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist, told Fox News Digital. “Conversations revolve around schedules, errands, bills and the kids. Intentional time together becomes less frequent. Affection, physical touch, flirting and playfulness become less frequent, replaced by stress, conflict and growing resentment.”
A 2025 SimpleTexting survey, cited by Psychology Today, found that 40% of adults would rather give up sex for a year than their smartphone—or rather, that’s where they’d prefer to focus their attention. The same device couples use to scroll through other people’s vacation photos is the one creating a wall between them.
The fix, according to therapists, starts before the bedroom is even a thought. “Physical intimacy and emotional closeness go hand in hand,” Elton said. “If we want to improve our sex lives, we have to focus on the connection itself.” That connection requires time that’s currently being allocated elsewhere. Elton advises couples to define what satisfied looks like for their relationship and commit to protecting it before the drift becomes the autopilot move.
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