The Vacation Mistake That’s Quietly Ruining Your Relationship
· Vice
Summer is known for whirlwind romances, spontaneous late nights out, and exciting adventures. In fact, many couples view the season as an opportunity to reconnect, booking vacations to luxurious destinations or much-needed getaways for some quality time together.
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Unfortunately, however, not all couples take full advantage of their romantic escapes. Work pressures have a way of creeping in and distracting partners from their trips. In fact, a recent survey by Headway found that 35% of Americans have argued with their partner specifically because they were working during vacations.
Additionally, 52% reported burnout, anxiety, or depressive symptoms as a result of working while away, with 2 in 3 saying they experience physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, muscle tension, or chronic pain.
There are few positives in working while on vacation—of course, other than keeping your job. Yet too many of us feel pressured to do so, and it’s affecting the health of our most intimate relationships.
How Working on Vacation Affects Your Relationship
Obviously, vacations and well-deserved time off should not be a privilege, but rather a right. However, that’s simply not the case today.
Couples are no longer just too busy to connect during workweeks—they can barely find time during a planned vacation together. Even when physically away, many workers are expected to always be available, whether on their phone or email. This steals their personal time away from their loved ones, especially significant others.
Naturally, this creates a massive disconnect between partners. Even during scheduled quality time away together, many partners are still competing for their lover’s time and attention.
“There is a big difference between physical and emotional presence,” says Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., LCPC, NCC, a licensed counselor and relationship expert at Headway app. “When someone repeatedly turns their attention back to work during shared getaway time, their partner often perceives it as emotional disengagement, even when the intention is not there.”
According to Degges-White, this is especially hurtful during vacations. I mean, it makes sense…Some people wait all year (or even longer) to finally get their partners’ undivided attention and quality one-on-one time for a short period, just to feel neglected or deprioritized in the name of work.
“People often enter vacations with hopes to reconnect, to feel special, and to create positive memories together,” she explains. “So when work constantly gets in the way of these meaningful moments, people can feel like their partner is prioritizing work over their relationship.”
How to Properly Plan for a Romantic Getaway
If you and your partner are craving an escape from your daily routine and need to reconnect, planning a vacation—even just a long weekend somewhere within driving distance—can help strengthen your bond. However, it’s important to ensure you’re both focused solely on each other, not worrying about what’s happening at work while you’re away.
This might require careful planning, like setting the right boundaries with your boss or discussing what’s acceptable and what’s not, says Degges-White.
“One of the healthiest things couples can do is to agree ahead of time on what truly counts as an emergency and what doesn’t,” Suzanne advises. “Setting aside hours that are completely device-free can help partners feel more emotionally present and truly seen during their trip.”
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